Happy Heavenly Birthday Diego!

Happy 2nd birthday baby.

wow.. 2 years ago I woke up in the middle of the night not feeling you. I went to the hospital thinking I was overreacting. Daddy stayed at home with your big brother because I figured I was going straight to the office from there. I still have his text message on my phone asking me how me and you were doing at the hospital. As soon as I got his text message was when I called him and told him that I was told you "may have left us". He immediatly took your brother to grandma "mom" and came to the hospital. He arrived, then shortly after "mita" showed up too. Then the ultrasound technician showed up to do the ultrasound and deliver the horrible news. That was when we just became "numb". What was suppose to be my last day at work before going on maternity leave, turned out to be a "bereavement leave" .I had NO idea that we would come back home to an empty crib and a destroyed heart. Daddy and I held you in our arms. As painful as it was to let you go, I wish I could go back to see you and hold you one more time. I regret so many things that I didn't get to do with you in the short time we met and said good-bye. I was in shock and not thinking. I didn't want your brother or cousins to see you. The only ones that met you were your grandparents, aunts Emma "mita" and Jolene, your uncle Gerric and daddy and me of course. Some of the other family members didn't see you. I guess I just wanted everyone to remember you in a special way. I didn't want them to see you lifeless and cold. But at least your big brother got to see you for 5 minutes at the funeral home when I dressed you because HE asked to see "the angel". I DON'T know what I was thinking and I regret not taking pictures with you. The only pictures I have of you are the ones from the hospital which we put in your website. I see other websites where parents along with other family members post pictures of them holding their stillborn baby. For me, pictures are suppose to be happy moments. That day was and will forever be the most painful day of my life. Nobody knows how I feel. I don't even know if you even know either. I guess only another mother that has been thru the same knows that ugly pain. Some people think it's something that it's done and over. It's not. It's a BIG hole in my heart. Part of me has been buried with you. I still cry for you, I still yearn for you, I still wonder what you'd look like now and most of all I still wonder why you left us. Why didn't God give us the opportunity to be together as a family. I know things happen for a reason which only God knows. If you wouldn't have left, maybe your brother Adam wouldn't be here. I can't imagine life without him either. But I want my 3 boys here with daddy and me. That completes our family. I just want you to know that I LOVE you so much and continue to miss you EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. I know you are constantly watching over us. Sleep peacefully baby. Until we meet again.

p.s. I hope the balloons that we released somehow reached you. Did you feel the love? I sure did. And I know you were proud and honored to have your big brother Erik read you that beautiful poem.

Go on and have fun at your birthday party honey. Watch out, the terrible two's have just begun. :)

I LOVE YOU.